Crush
by Fallen Ark Angel
Summary: After finding out that Laxus has a thing for a certain Strauss, Bickslow schemes with Lisanna on just how to get the two of them together.
1. Chapter 1

"I need your help, boss."

"You can help yourself to the door," was all Laxus grumbled as he continued to glare down at his beer. "I'm busy."

Bickslow frowned, staring hard at the man. "Busy doing what?"

"Contemplating how hard it would be to shove your head in this glass and drown ya."

"W-Well, pretty hard, I'd think, considering the my head is bigger than the-"

"Piss off, Bickslow," the slayer growled that time, looking up with a heavy glare. "I'm warnin' ya."

"But I need help." And, with the lack of caution only a complete moron could have, the seith took his seat at the table with the man. "It's important, yeah?"

"What?" So long as his eyes were up anyways, Laxus took a good look around, taking stock of the fact that Mirajane Strauss was, at the moment, only tables away from his when she'd no doubt be around to ask if he needed anything. He wanted the seith long gone by that time. "Make it quick."

"It's advice, actually, the deep intellectual kind that only you and I could have together, you know? Freed and Ever, they don't get us. Me and you. Dark knights. Cast aside! In a world of-"

"I don't have time for this."

"Neither do I!" Bickslow was glad they were on the same page. As his dolls, used to his tricks of misdirection, began cackling, the seith only continued. "That's why I thought it was time, you know? That I found something else to be. A new, fresher backstory. A new year is upon us, boss. It's time for a new Bickslow. A fresher Bickslow. Or what? What's that? More return to form? No, not this form. My first form. Just how many forms do I have? I don't know, boss. I just don't-"

"Hi, Laxus. Bickslow. Do you guys need anything?"

"Actually, yes, Mirajane," the latter man began as she appeared then, at the side of their table, a serving tray tucked under one arm. "I need you to be more courteous of others. I was in the middle of a monologue, here, with the boss, and you just trampled all over- Ow! Laxus, what the fuck? Why did you-"

"_Shut up, Bickslow_," the slayer growled truly then at his faithful follower. Beneath the table, he'd kicked the man so hard in the shins that Bickslow thought about defecting from the cult of Laxus. The abuse was growing rampant. New year, new idol, the way things were heading.

Mira only stood there, titling her head slightly at the two men. They were acting erratically in a normal setting, but in the confines of Fairy Tail's guildhall, they hardly seemed out of sorts. Giggling some, she only remarked, "Well, if you don't need anything- Well, other than not to be interrupted-"

"He was joking." Laxus, who's eyes had become transfixed on the woman, turned hard and cold back to one of his closest of buddies. "Tell her that you were joking, Bickslow. _Now_."

"I was joking!" His voice even jumped an octave or so, it seemed, cracking just a bit as the seith desperately wanted to save his other shin from being fractured. "Mira. Interrupt all you want!"

The woman only shook her head a bit though as she remarked, "I'm almost done for the day, actually. Lisanna'll take over for me."

"I know."

Both Bickslow and Mira frowned as that happened out of the slayer's mouth. Even he frowned, once it was out, before turning to glare back down at his beer once more. He coughed. Once. Twice. Three times.

Then Mira lost interest in whatever game the two had going on and went back to finishing up with her tables. Bickslow watched her walk away, but Laxus only went back to glaring at his beer and refused to look up.

"Boss, what the fuck was that, huh?" The seith whistled then, his babies immediately attempting the same feat. "You got a hard on for Mirajane or something?"

"Shut up, idiot."

"Is that why you've been hanging around the guild so much recently? Hoping to get it in with the she-devil, eh?" Bickslow couldn't help it then. The whole thing was so entertaining to him that he just about choked on his tongue as his snickers lead to near convulsions. "How filthy, boss. How disgusting. How much like something I would definitely do. Had the same thoughts, actually, boss. In fact, do you think after you, uh, finally get it in and all, I can- Ow, boss! That was my last good shin!"

He glared, the slayer did, across the table at the seith. So heavily that Bickslow was fearful for more than two bruised shins by the time their little meeting was over.

"Keep," Laxus growled at him, "your filthy thoughts to yourself."

"I's only messin' around, boss. I mean, it's alright, yeah? I dunno if you noticed, but most everyone around here wants to fuck Mirajane. You're not exactly special or nothin'. Nothin' to get all bashful about."

"Listen, you half-wit." And he was rising then, from his seat, the slayer was. "If I hear even so much as a peep outta ya for the rest of the day, or just one in general, about all this, ever again, I'll give ya a new identity alright. How easy will it be, eh? Bickslow? To be a new person when I rearrange your face into an all new one?"

"Pretty easy, I'd guess, boss."

"Was that a peep?"

"Ah, no, boss, leave me alone!"

He ran then, Bickslow did, fled though Laxus didn't give chase. His own problems of loss of new persona was gone though as the man rested with his back up against one of the walls of the guildhalls front, heartbeat jumping out of his chest. Clearly, the man hadn't liked his teasing. At all. Which could only mean that, well, that the slayer wanted to bone the demon.

A perfectly good choice.

Gosh, Laxus sure knew how to pick 'em.

Under a normal circumstance, Bickslow probably wouldda just slunk on back to he and Freed's apartment, bitched and moaned about how the boss was mad at him and new year, new him, so he would just defect, from their cult, and then Freed would inform him not only is it not a cult, but if he was itching for someone to beg him to stay, he was barking up the wrong tree.

But this was no ordinary fight he and his idol had just had. No. This was something much deeper. A problem, even, that Bickslow could solve for the man! A perfect way to skip all that bitchin' and moanin'. The boss was crushin', hard, on the Strauss woman and, well, it just so happened that Bickslow had an in with the Strausses.

"I do not have an...in with the Strausses, Bickslow, and I resent the implication."

"Ever, I can see him, right there, behind you," the seith griped a bit as he stood in the doorway of Evergreen's apartment. The door was only opened a crack though and she was not allowing him to see the very obvious overgrown Strauss sibling snoozing on her living room couch. "You're not hiding it very well."

"Piss off, Bickslow."

Well, fine. He didn't have an in with the Strausses then.

"Fancy meetin' ya here, Lisanna."

"Well, I mean, I'm working right now, at my normal shift, so I don't know, really, how surprising that can be."

Bickslow beamed though as the woman bent over a table, busing it. It was right before the dinner rush and, while Kinana manned the bar, Lisanna wanted to get the place back in order before that happened. Just so everyone could screw the place up all over again. She really didn't understand how her older sister loved it so much, the utter chaos that happened up at the hall. Well, she did understand, because she liked it too, when she was on the side of the chaotic. But when she was one of the ones having to clean up after, suddenly, the antics of her friends were a lot less fun and a lot more obnoxious.

Still, the seith was undeterred with her obvious lack of enthusiasm over, literally, just seeing him. A normal guild mate.

"I have a proposition for you."

"Does it involve actually tipping me? Because if not- Ow! Bickslow, what was that?"

"A coin." He'd nicked her right in the ear. "A tip. For your troubles."

"You know what-"

"Oi, I don't got time for this, kid."

"Well, I don't have time for you either, right now, so unless you're placing an order-"

"It's got to do with your sister, yeah?" He glanced about then, the seith did, but it was the middle of the afternoon and most everyone who wasn't a drunk or job avoider was out until dinner time. "And the boss."

"Master Makarov?"

"Not your boss. My boss. The boss?"

"I don't know what that means."

"You know, Lisanna, I'm really itchin' to throw another coin at ya."

"You're the one bothering me!"

Oh, yeah, right. Heh.

"Lisanna," his dolls began to complain then as she was quickly moving on to the next table. "Help Papa!"

"With," she griped, actually speaking to his dolls and oh, wow, Bickslow was honored, "what?"

"I got a super secret plan, yeah?" He glanced all about once more. "Well, and idea, actually, instead. No plan. Yet. But I need an insider to help out with whatever it is. And, you know, actually come up with the plan for me. And who's more of an insider to your sister than you, Lisanna? Well," he stopped to snicker, "hopefully the boss after all this, but-"

"Who," she griped as she finally slammed down her busing tray just to turn and face him, "is the boss? Bickslow? And what are you going on about?"

He took steps forwards then, towards her, and though she wanted to run, Lisanna stood still as he leaned down to whisper in her ear a few things. As her eyes could only widen, the woman took to nodding as he eventually withdrew, standing before her with a serious look.

"I'm in," she said with a grin. "This- Oh man, yeah, I'm in."

"'cause you want the boss to be happy. Great! A new cultist. Word to the wise, watch out for Evergreen. She ain't too keen on other women."

"No," she said slowly with a shake of his head. "I really don't care about La- The boss." She caught herself, just in case of listening ears. Drunks and job avoiders they might be, but to keep them from being plan ruiners was the most important task Lisanna and Bickslow had at the moment. "Or his happiness."

"Then the happiness your sister will get from being with the greatest mage to ever walk the planet. Ah. Nice thinking. If I had a sister, I'd offer her up to the boss."

"That's a pretty weird thing to say."

"I'm a pretty weird guy."

She had to give him that.

"I don't really care about that either though," Lisanna said as she held her head higher, refusing to look at him. "I'll keep my secrets and you keep yours."

"I have none. I just want the boss to be happy. And I get to bone a lotta the women he's tossed aside, all used up and broken. I'm really bankin' on that one."

She narrowed her eyes that time and, from behind his visor, Bickslow did the same. They studied one another and he thought, maybe, he'd finally gone too far. She'd go runnin' off to her sister or the boss and that was that. A wrap.

Instead, she only held out a hand, which he easily returned, gripping hers tightly as he shook it erratically.

"Partners?" he asked with a tongue wag as his babies began to float about both their heads.

"Partners," she agreed to the cheer of the dolls and the smirk of the seith.

* * *

**Short little five chapter story. I'll actually finish this one guys. Swear. **


	2. Chapter 2

Some pleasant scent floated about the tidy little apartment and Lisanna was kind of shocked, honestly, that this was Bickslow's place of residence. It was spotless, light, bright, inviting. Not at all like something she'd imagine the seith keeping.

Then she noticed the sword propped up against the wall, beside the coat rack, and knew it all wasn't the masked man's doing.

"Shoes off and all," the seith was grumbling as he struggled to get his own boots off. This as mainly because he was refusing to get down there and actually take them off, rather just trying to kick one off with the other and, well, it wasn't going so well. At all. "I wouldn't care none, but Freed-"

"I think most people actually don't like shoes in their house, Bickslow."

"Well, I wouldn't. If I lived alone. Who cares if a little mud and dirt get caked in? I sure don't! Adds to the piles of it that I would be accumulatin' anyways."

"Why would you be-"

"Ah, Bickslow, I thought I heard you loudly making the same speech you make to every visitor you have over." Freed was coming into front room then, staring curiously over at them. "And...Lisanna. I do not think I have had the pleasure of having you as a guest. I-"

"Yeah and you ain't now either." Bickslow finally was able to kick off one boot, it flying across the room as he himself stumbled a bit, nearly falling flat on his face. Still, even for all this, he managed to get out, "Lisanna is my guest."

"I am merely being courteous," his friend assured him. "Although, I am also curious. Why exactly are the two of you together?"

"Well-" Lisanna tried, but the seith kicked off his other bot with much more ease that time, the loud bang this provided cutting her off effectively.

"Can't have friends now, is that it? Eh? Freed? I'm just such a hopeless, lost in the darkness, down on his luck knight that there's no way that a kind, sweet, nice girl might take pity on me and accompany back to my definitely not dimly lit, dark, dangerous home? Is that what you're saying?"

"I...I'm not even sure what you are saying," Freed admitted.

"And I'm really not liking the implication of it," Lisanna added.

"We're going to be having a super secret meeting, yeah?" Bickslow only looked to Freed. "We can't have any interruptions. At all. I let you have your meetings here."

"You," the rune mage pointed out, "are part of the meetings."

"Yeah, well."

Freed waited. Then, slowly, he asked, "Yeah, well what?"

"What?"

"What?"

They stared at one another for a long few moments, the pair did, before Bickslow lifted up his visor and squinted.

"I guess," he broke with a slight shrug, "you could help out. Freed. If you wanted. Basically, we're plotting. And scheming. Wheeling and dealing. Me and Lisanna. Outlaws, cast aside by society. Dark knights who-"

"I do, actually," Freed gave in as he turned to walk back the way he came, down a hall and no doubt back to his bedroom, "have some work to be getting back to. Decoding spells and such. So I would enjoy it greatly if you two kept it down. I do not mean to offend you, Lisanna, with this suggestion. Bickslow merely has a habit of getting rather...rowdy, when he has guests."

"Rowdy?" The man dropped his head back and laughed, loudly, much to the amusement of his dolls who began to do the same. "Me? No way!"

"Yeah," Lisanna whispered to the rune mage softly as she took to looking around. "I see what you mean."

But after Freed bowed to them and truly left them alone, Bickslow's cackles stopped and he only moved to pull of his hood, toss his visor to the side and then go fall face first into the couch.

"Uh...Bickslow?"

"Papa's waiting, Lisanna," his babies explained for him as they began to circle about.

For what?"

"Ideas! Ideas, Lisanna," some chanted.

"For plan! For plan, Lisanna!" replied the others.

"I thought," she griped, but at them, "that we were coming over here to come up with one together."

"I gave my part." Bickslow lifted his head then and motioned her over with one hand. Slowly, she came to stand before the couch. "We gotta figure a way so that the boss and your sister, you know, get it on or whatever. Will brighten the boss' day, get me out of the doghouse with him, and your sister, oh man, your sister is in for the shock of her life. Get it? Eh? Why aren't you laughing?"

"It's not really that witty." Slowly, Lisanna went to take as seat in the nearby chair. "I can think of some things though, for us. Yeah. Yeah! Okay, so we need to get Laxus and Mirajane together. And how do you do that? Well, they're both at the bar a lot. Mira has work tomorrow and, do you know what Laxus' schedule is? Surely, you can get him there, even if he's not planning on coming around."

"Don't call me Shirley."

"What?"

"What? It's wit."

"I really don't think you understand- If you throw one more coin at me-"

"Alright," the seith was talking over her because he'd sprung up, so suddenly, to fling the coin he found on the couch cushion her way, but now was just sitting there, eyes expectantly turned to hers. "So the boss and your sister are at the bar. Then what? That happens everyday. My boss, that sly dog, he's real heartsick over her, yeah? Just sits around and watches her. Watches and waits. Knows her schedule. Why, he might even follow her home, he's so smitten."

"Uh," Lisanna began as second thoughts began to surround her head, "that sounds kind of stalkerish."

"What? No."

"Yeah, Bickslow."

"I do that all the time! Peek in a window here, leave love notes full of threats of violence there. A true love story!"

"I'm really regretting coming to this apartment all of a sudden."

"Hey, you know what we need?" Bickslow took no note of her discomfort and only snapped his fingers together. "Code names."

"Code names?"

"Sure, sure, code names, yeah? We're a team, ain't we? Partners in crime."

"Actually, I'm starting to have second thoughts about this whole thing-"

"Come on, Lisanna." And his face changed then, back to the serious look he got when something difficult was taking place down at the hall. "You don't really think I'm insane. Do you?"

"Papa's not crazy," his dolls complained as they flew all about. "Papa's sane!"

Well, she wouldn't go that far, but as she let out a slight breath, she did concede that she was nearly certain most of the things he did were just put on. For show.

"I know he is," she told the dolls steal and the seith only beamed as they cheered. "But just...cool it some, okay, Bickslow?"

He could do that.

Well, he could try.

It was always exciting to him when he got someone knew to play with. That's what all this was, really. Play. Sure, he wanted the boss to be happy and he was nearly certain that Mirajane was what he was pining after, but at the same time, no one said work couldn't be fun.

Other than, like, Freed and Evergreen, who were frequently annoyed when he showed up on a job chipper and jovial. Because that meant he was just going to goof off the whole time. And as Lisanna was finding out on their little mission, he was just going to goof off the whole time.

"How about," he hummed as he walked about the living room eventually, tapping a finger against his lip, "Return to Sender?"

"What? Why would that be my nick-"

"That's what the anima did to ya, huh? Returned ya to your sender? Imagine going to meet your maker, only to be sent back. Wow. What a low blow."

"You know, I don't be here right now."

But she didn't leave.

"Well, you turn into a cat, right?" Eventually, the seith pulled a pack of cigarettes from his pocket and began to smoke. "So something that rhymes with cat. Or kitten. Kitty. Mitty. Tit-"

"Bickslow." That didn't come from Lisanna though. No. It was called from the back. Freed. "Did you just light up a cigarette? We've spoke on this many times-"

"Nah, not me, man," he said around the literal smoking gun as it hung from his lips. "Nope."

"I can smell it."

"Cannot."

"If I came out there right now-"

"Might be Lisanna. The kid. She might be smoking. Not me. And you wouldn't want me to tell a guest no, would ya? Come on now, Freed. The guest is always right."

"The customer," the man complained, still from his room, "is always right."

"She purchased the cigarettes off me. Don't wanna mar her image, yeah? Buyin' 'em? Filthy habit. I tried to caution her, but-"

"Stop," Freed finally just yelled at him, "smoking in the apartment, Bickslow. Take your little...meeting somewhere else if you want to smoke."

"I'm done anyways, thanks."

But not with his cigarette. Walking with it in his mouth to the door, he just motioned to Lisanna to follow and, with a groan, she rushed to slip on her shoes and do so. As she called out farewell to Freed though, Bickslow had a hell of a time stumbling back into his boots and he was complaining, as they left, about the whole process.

"Where are we even going?" she asked him. "To finish planning? We could go to the park or-"

"Plannin'? We're all done plannin'!"

"How do you figure?"

"How do you figure not, kid?" He took a deep drag as he led her out of the apartment building. "We get the boss and Mira both in the same place, force a conversation and bam! They're fuckin' like hounds. The boss is just that smooth. And your sister-"

"I'm really starting to regret ever coming over here."

"Look, what more do you want, eh? That's the plan." He even nodded at her. "Don't you think so, babies?"

"Great plan, papa," they assured the man. "Best plan!"

"But it's not a plan," she told them and him both. "It's an outline. We have to fill it in, for it to be a full-fledged plan. What conversation are we going to strike up between them? And how? We have to think about these things. Plan them out. If we don't-"

"If we do," he countered because he was really just tired of listening to her talk and was hoping to shove her right out of the apartment building door when they got to it, "then it won't feel natural. When they start talking. And the boss, he's a tough one. He'll figure it out, yeah? And he'll realize that I had my sticky fingers all in it. And that's not want I want him to realize far too late that I had my sticky fingers in."

He didn't have to shove her out. Lisanna easily walked out. And, well, all was done for the day.

Now he had to go figure a way around smoking in the apartment….

The next day arrived with some nerves from Lisanna, but resolve regardless. As she and her sister put in their dual shifts up at the hall, she was pleased when she saw Laxus walk in. He wasn't accompanied by Bickslow in the slightest, which meant he'd come ther3e all on his own and now, without the seith to weigh her down, maybe Lisanna could actually do the plan.

Because she had a bad feeling Bickslow arriving would only ruin the plan.

"Oi, boss, I was looking all over for you."

He was going to ruin the plan.

Lisanna had just suggested that Mirajane go over and take Laxus' order (she'd actually been behind the bar while the younger of the pair was walking about, but she only agreed with an easy nod, thinking nothing of the suggestion), but as Lisanna took her older sister's place, she was dismayed to find the seith slank right into a seat across from Laxus.

"And Mirajane, right on time, yeah? I'm glad you took my suggestions into consideration," the man was saying as the head barmaid appeared at the side of their table. "Not interrupting at all today. Wow. A quick one on her feet, this one is, Laxus. Would you like a tip? I have a coin around here some-"

"Bickslow!"

Lisanna, suddenly, had coming running over and was glaring at him, hand poised to toss the coin at her sister. He only shifted direction before hitting Lisanna squarely in the eye instead.

"Hey!"

"There ya are, kid." To Mira, who moved to pat her sister on the shoulder while Laxus only began to seethe, the seith said, "It's a game, yeah? I throw a coin here, the kid gets hit by it there-"

"I am not," she growled at him, "a kid."

"Lisanna, why are you even over here? Was it to speak with Bickslow?" Mira made a face. "I thoguht you wanted me to take Laxus' order."

"How come?" The dragon slayer was glaring at the youngest Strauss then. Something smelt like fish. And well, yeah, Happy was close by sucking on a fish head, watching it all unfold as Lucy, who he was sitting with, was just glad to not be on the receiving end of the slayer's wrath. But there was a strong stench of treachery all about! "Since when are the two of you all buddy buddy? Huh? Bickslow? Lisanna?"

"I think he blinded me," Lisanna complained, "so we're definitely not."

"One in a million shot!" Bickslow declared with a cackle.

"Lisanna and Papa go back," the babies insisted. "Way back."

"We do," the woman in question informed them, "not."

It was more than a bit disheartening to hear.

"W-Well," Mira offered then with a bit of a frown, "if you want to take their orders then, Lisanna, someone should really be behind the-"

"I'm good, thanks." Laxus rose then and Bickslow felt a cold shiver run up his spine. "Suddenly not very thirsty."

And as the slayer left, Mira was still confused, but she went through most of life that way, so she only shrugged and went back to her post as Lisanna, rubbing at her eye, glared with the other at Bickslow.

"Good going, Lisanna," he retorted simply with a shake of his head. "Wow, babies. Didn't Do Not Resuscitate just drop the fucking ball or what?"

"DNR!" The babies were just having so much fun with the woman. She was the best,. "DNR!"

"I'm really close, Bickslow," the youngest Strauss threatened, but as she'd never threatened someone before, she wasn't too certain what she was close to. She just knew she was nearing it. "Really close."

"There are no losses, Lisanna, only chances at redemption." He banged a fist on the table. "We will rebuild! Or regroup, I guess. Say, my place? Same time?"

"N-"

"Perfect."


	3. Chapter 3

"Alright, so yes, we can both admit, right here and now, that you, Lisanna, are a major failure in all things involving this plan and should be forced to buy me dinner, probably, if not just pay my half of the rent for the month, given that I had my heart set makin' things right with the boss only for your shitty ability to get anything done ruined that."

She sat there, Lisanna did, on the couch as Freed, who'd been the one to let her in, frowned at how Bickslow was addressing his supposed friend.

It was him, thankfully, that spoke. Because Lisanna had a few things she wanted to say, but none that would have sounded too in form for her. But Bickslow was slowly breaking down every ounce of composure she had in those days.

"Remember your tone, Bickslow," the letter mage reminded. "Not to mention, I have grown curious as to what the two of you are doing together. Did I hear you mention Laxus' name?"

"Nope." Bickslow even shook his head. "Not his name."

Lisanna made a face at him, but Freed merely sighed.

"Perhaps, one day, Lisanna," he remarked as he walked off, no doubt back to his bedroom, "you tell me what sort of friendship you could possibly find with Bickslow."

"You'll be in for a tale," she offered back, but Bickslow only snickered, finding this hilarious for some reason.

"Got me good, kid," he continued as, with Freed gone, she only came to take a seat on in the chair as he stayed flaked out on the couch. "Getting better at it. Wit."

"I'm getting better at it?"

"You have none of it, actually. Or at least ya didn't, before. But now, oh, man, I'm the best influence on your life currently. You've learned so much, kid. Almost makes the fact that you completely wasted these past few days by screwing up the plan-"

"How did I screw up?" She huffed, deciding to focus on that. Bickslow had a thing about derailing conversations and she didn't wish to allow him to continue. "You're the one that screwed up."

"Ah, no, Lissy, I didn't. Can I call you Lissy?"

"No."

"Lissy, listen," he went on as she only glared. "I'm a man of action. I saw the boss, I acted. You saw me, you acted. That's the problem. Me and you, we're one and the same."

"We're nowhere close to being the same. And my eye's fine, by the way. Thanks for asking."

"Your eye's golden." He waited. Then he frowned over at her. "Get it? I hit ya with a gold coin, yer eye's golden? Ah, you'll get wit someday, kid."

"I doubt you will."

He laughed. Or at least it seemed like a laugh. He let out a sharp, "Ha!" and that was all, but Lisanna figured, for him, that counted as expressing humor. Maybe. The man had a large spectrum.

"So I made," he said as he sat up then, fully, to look at her with a bit of a serious gaze, "a mistake. Sue me. I'm a tragic, dark knight. It happens to us. Our own hubris is always our downfall. We start to believe that we can make no wrongs. But we can. The natural conversation was derailed because rather than fostering it, I decided to hit ya in the eye with a coin. My mistake. Jokes are my one weakness. I enjoy entertaining others."

She was silent for a moment, taking in the most sincere he could be, before saying slowly, "You've not entertained me once since we teamed up on this."

"Don't lie to yourself, kid. I'm way more fun than any other other lame stuff you spend your days doing." Falling back again, he said, "But enough apologies. You're not a big enough person to give one to me, like I just did you, and that's understandable. The young and their hubris."

"My hubris? You just said you're the one with-"

"And then to interrupt. Disrespectful. You know, you and your sister both-"

"I thought that we came here to regroup. Bickslow."

He tossed a punch in the air. "That's the plan. Well, that's what we're gonna come up with. A new one. Boss won't take to the bar again for a bit, I imagine."

"Yeah, you kind of saw to that."

"Whatever you say, DNR."

"DNR!" The babies had been rather bored up to that point, but enjoyed circling around the woman then. She ignored them though, int hat moment, unbothered by this, and instead just glared over at their father.

"So what," she insisted, "should we do then? Bickslow? What's next? If we don't force them into a conversation up at the hall-"

"We...we… We make 'em meet up! Somewhere. Yeah, just happen upon one another, you know. Fateful encounters. Faithful encounters. Chance encounters. Lucky encounters."

"Enough," she griped, "encounters."

"Just one encounter, Lisanna." The babies were desperate for some attention from the woman. "Just one."

"I know," she told them, finally, and that got a cheer from the wooden dolls. Still, to their father, she kept up, "But it has to be one that means something. Mira didn't seem to think anything weird was happening, or at least no more than usual, but Laxus didn't as-"

"Dumb? Idiotic? Stupid?"

"Trustworthy. That's my sister, you know."

'Oh, I know. I know a lot about Mirajane."

"What does that mean?"

He had no idea. But if he said it in the tone he had, well, it sure sounded dirty, eh?

Still, Bickslow bounced up then, to stalk around the room. Rather than speaking to the woman, he asked his dolls, "Where do you think the boss and the Strauss should meet up? Babies? Has to be somewhere that doesn't look setup. So some place the boss would go, normally. With me, of course. Where would the boss and I go?"

"Park!" If there was anywhere their papa went, it was there. "Park, Papa!"

"Ah-ha!" He snapped his fingers too, coming to stand before Lisanna. "You think you could get your sister to go to the park with ya? Kid? You and your sis, out on a stroll, while me and the boss are...are… Oh! Hey, I could tell him that I wanna go trainin'! Or to go practice some tricks, yeah? Show 'em off to 'im. There ain't a good chance he'll go with me, but if I just goad him a bit, promise him somethin' in return, and oh, will I return, once he finally gets to lay with the, uh, Lord of Darkness, yeah?"

"Your sister she's Satan, ain't she? Got his soul?" Bickslow whistled then. "She could book herself that way. Make a lot of jewel. A night with the Ruler of Darkness himself. Or should she book it as herself? Both, I think. Attract more customers."

"Are you...asking me to tell my sister she should be a prostitute?"

"That is a harsh and unnecessary- Oh, I thought you said whore. Yeah, though, to both."

As Lisanna fumed though, there was someone far less in the know that overheard that and became _extremely_ concerned. Freed had the misfortune of walking out of his room at that exact moment and, well, it wasn't the best conversation to just suddenly find yourself thrust into. As he quickly turned and rushed back into his bedroom, Freed felt his mind begin to race out of control.

Just what were Bickslow and Lisanna doing together?

And how soon would he be forced to act upon his insider information? He could not stand by and let Mirajane Strauss be...pimped out by...Bickslow.

What a horrible sentence to even consider.

Out in the living area, Lisanna wasn't even entertaining it. As she stormed off, out of the apartment, Bickslow only reminded her that they should enact their new plan (the non Mirajane going into business for herself, selling, well, herself) the next afternoon.

Strike while the irons hot!

And because the boss might head off to who knows where soon and, well, honestly? By the time he returned, there was a good chance Bickslow wouldn't even care anymore.

But it was all he could think about, the next morning, when he awoke. Well, closer to noon, but who was counting?

Lisanna.

Who he was supposed to meet at noon, in the park, with Laxus.

"So," Mira prompted as they walked about the open area together, arm in arm. She was far more excited, her sister inviting her out in the middle of the day, to 'talk' as Lisanna put it. Yeah. Sure. Talk. "What was it that you wanted to talk about? Lisanna?"

She thought she knew, Mirajane did. And oh, she was excited. She'd waited for a long time for this moment. This very one. Her baby sister. All grown up. Wow. To think, only a few years prior, she would have thought that this never could have come. That it was lost along with Lisanna herself. But no, here it was, present as the girl was. No. The woman.

"W-Well," Lisanna began slowly as she tried to think of something to talk about her sister with. She'd had an idea, the night before, as she went to sleep. It was such a good one too. What they could speak on. She was so excited, for some weird reason, to get to the very moment she was dreading in that second, because she knew exactly what they would speak on and it would just feel so natural. All of it. The way that the setup back at the bar was going to. They would just happen upon the guys, fate and all, and then bam!

Bam.

Mira and Laxus would…

Wait, why was she even doing this all again?

"Can't we ever just go for walks?" Lisanna asked her sister then and Mira considered it, but only for a moment.

"You said talk though, when you wanted me to take off work and leave Kinana short handed, during the lunch rush, just to come out here."

Mira wasn't as dense as they all thought. Her sister was well aware of this fact, of course, but sometimes she just had to be reminded was all.

"It's okay, Lisanna," she was quick to insist then as she picked up on her younger sister's hesitance. "You know, it was a really big shock to me, when you first came back, that you didn't immediately, like, start dating around. It's what I would have done. Gone for two years? It's a whole new world."

Lisanna remembered then. Exactly why she was going to completely embarrass her sister (and innocent Laxus) with this whole charade. Mira, recently, had begun to incessantly insist that she should start dating or oh, isn't that a nice guy to get to know or, oh, you sure are spending a lot of time with so and so.

It was annoying.

The time had finally come for Mirajane to see what it was like, when you had someone else trying to pull background strings in your personal relationships. Relationships that didn't even exist.

Lisanna didn't fight her sister on a lot. Mira, honestly, was more like her mother than her own had been. She had no real memories of the woman. Not truly. Whether from the trauma or just the memories fading with age, anything she knew of her true mother was from stories her sister told she and Elf when they were growing up. While the Master definitely served as a huge figure in her life, it was far more like a kind grandfather.

Mira was the only parental figure she knew.

And gosh was she killing her with the dating, falling in love shit.

So yes, Lisanna was going to trick her into dating Laxus, which would no doubt go sour and then she could lord it over her sister that she'd been the one to bring this awkward relationship about and then…

Well…

Crap.

Lisanna forgot to think of a true endgame.

"But," Mira was going on as Lisanna was stewing over the fact she'd been hammering home to Bickslow the past few days about how important planning was only to, you know, not plan at all, "to see you now, spending so much time with...well, Lisanna, I have to admit it's a bit shocking, but I think the two of you are endearing together. Have you gone on an actual date yet?"

"Have we- What are you talking about?"

"Don't play coy." Not when Mira was the master at it. "You and Bickslow."

"Me and… Mira, no, we're not-"

"Oi, boss, did ya see me? How many flips was that? Did ya count? Did ya? Babies, did you?"

Lisanna could only pale some as they stumbled across Bickslow and Laxus in the park. It had been a mad dash for the seith, getting there on time. He happened upon Laxus, actually, on the way, and it really was fate, when you thought about it.

Or maybe he'd actually kind of known that on that specific day of the week, the slayer normally ate lunch alone, in the park, at noon.

One or the other.

He chose to believe in fate though. It's how he got away with being a shitty person all the time. Blame fate and not yourself.

The true trait of a dark knight.

On top of sacrificing big moments for jokes.

Lisanna felt like her whole life was a joke as Mirajane was grinning like mad then and dragging her over that way. Bickslow was on the ground once more, after balancing on his babies and flying high up in the air, only to do some impressive tumbles back down to the ground. He smiled too, at the grinning Mirajane and scowling Lisanna. She matched Laxus, who'd more than become suspicious, after the previous day, and now felt as if everyone else was in on a joke he wasn't.

And they were. Kind of. More like each person had their own agenda that didn't quite add up just right, but maybe, intercepted at certain points. The problem was that they were all going to continue to run over one another, following this, and though Laxus couldn't quite figure out what was going on just yet, he could spot trouble from miles away.

"Hi, Bickslow," Mirajane greeted with a wide smile. Then she glanced over at the slayer and added, "And you too, Laxus," which was enough to make the man forget all about all about figuring things out as he just kicked at the ground and grumbled something.

"Interrupting again, I see," Bickslow griped in reply. "You know, every step a Strauss takes, they regress. You can't seem to quite get the hang of this, Lissy here, can't quite seem to just accept that she's the one who-"

"Bickslow," Lisanna hissed at him because he was doing it again. Sacrificing the plan for the sake of something that might resemble wit, maybe. Ah, the plight of the accursed.

"Lissy?" Mirajane let go of her sister's arm as she threw her hands over her mouth. "Is there something that the two of you, uh, want to tell us?"

"Whatever it is," Laxus complained as he glared at Bickslow, "I ain't interested. I came here for lunch. Not for whatever this."

"This is purely coincidental, boss. Fate, but coincidence. Can those coexist? Who am I to judge? The status quo is hardly something a mere mortal, a man of such little worth such as myself, can judge." Then he paused. "Now, someone who is also both Satan himself and dimwitted as a doorknob-"

"Hey," Lisanna complained again, but the doorknob- err, Mirajane, was too blissed out to care.

"You two," she giggled as Lisanna glared and Bickslow wagged his tongue in response, "are so cute together!"

"Come again?" Laxus asked because everyone else was ignoring her and though he couldn't look the woman in the eyes, he still felt the need to respond to her.

"Yes, boss, that's it!" Bickslow was quick to nod. "Come again!"

"Come again," the babies agreed. "Boss!"

"Well, I was thinkin' the doorknob," Bickslow mused, "but I guess-"

"You're," Lisanna told him in no uncertain words, "the worst."

"This is the best day of my life," Mira gushed and she bounced then, clapping her hands excitedly. "Oh, Bickslow, Lisanna, I can't believe this. I really can't."

"Neither can I," Bickslow assured her with a grin. "Mostly because I don't know what it is."

"That you and Lisanna are dating, silly, of course."

"You're what?" Laxus growled in anger, suddenly animated, as he turned to his lackey.

"I'm what?" Bickslow asked in astonishment, looking to his supposed date.

"I'm not," Lisanna insisted in annoyance, as she glared at her sister.

"I've never been happier," Mira went on with little shame. "Never. At all. Not once. I can't think of a single moment. Out of the many."

There was a brief pause where the two guys both found themselves looking to Lisanna, but she was too busy trying to figure out how to damage control the situation to notice.

"We're not-" she began, but enough seconds had passed that Bickslow, that slick dog, that slay feline, on, man, always thinking on his feet, he was already doing what he did best; completely forfeiting the idea of a plan and just going with his gut.

It never led him wrong!

"Oh, man, me and the kid here? We're fuckin' like rabbits," he proclaimed loudly and proudly as Mira blissed out, Lisanna looked ready to slug him, and Laxus mostly tried to understand why any of this was happening.

Still, he did offer the sage advice to Bickslow, "I really wouldn't put the word kid in that sentence. Especially in a park, full of them."

"Oh, boss, you. Always looking out for my best interest."

"I mostly don't want to be associated with you when you say shit like that."

"Why," Mira was insisting then as she took to bouncing some more, "did no one tell me about this? For so long? Oh, man, I can't believe this. I honestly can't. You guys have to tell me, honestly, was your first date magical? Was it? I hope it was. Are you in love? Are you going to get married?"

"Does she ever shut up?" Bickslow was tired, it seemed, of enthusiasm. Or at least he wasn't used to it in response to his antics. Usually disdain and annoyance. "Hey, Mirajane, tell ya what."

"Anything," she insisted.

"We can tell ya all about it, me and the ki- woman, here, Lisanna, all womanly and shapely and other things that make someone a woman-"

"Mostly," Laxus griped with a frown, "a uterus."

"Mostly," Lisanna sobbed miserably into her palms.

"But not only," Mira offered, helpfully.

"Well, whatever it is that Lisanna has, that makes her one of those," Bickslow went on, undeterred, "me and her will tell you all about it and how we got together. Tomorrow. For dinner. A date. A- Oh, wow, boss, you standing there all silently, I almost forgot about ya. Say, hey, now that I'm takin' these two ladies here out, on a date, why don't you slip in? Huh?"

"Come again!" his dolls yelled and Lisanna felt it then. Real tears, running down her very red cheeks.

"W-What?" Laxus took a step back, but just as quickly one forwards as he glared at his friend,. "Damn it, Bickslow-"

"Oh, yeah, that would be cool." Mirajane stopped bouncing and clapping just to grin at Laxus. "Like a double date."

"I don't-" the slayer tried, but Lisanna was finally fucking useful (Bickslow swore, he did all the heavy lifting of the pair) as she let out a long breath.

"Come on, Laxus," she got out around her clearly stricken choked sobs. "What's the worst that can happen?"

It was happening.

The worst thing.

"Don't tell me I'm not your type, Laxus?" Mira went on with a giggle and he growled again, the slayer did, before stomping off. There was a yes though, in the growl that he left them with and as Mira took to cheering along with Bickslow's babies, the man himself was grabbed by the shirt collar and drug slightly away by Lisanna.

Her tears were gone and all she had now were glares as she told him harshly, "The idea of dating you, even pretending, is so gross."

"Oh, give it time, Lissy," he snickered back, but from behind his visor, she could see his eyes were turned into just as hard stones. "I can get a lot grosser."


	4. Chapter 4

"Ever get tired of me, kid?"

"Apparently not, since, you know, we're dating and all."

Lisanna said this with evident malice and Bickslow didn't hold it against her none, that the statement in itself wasn't very heavy, because, well, he figured she wasn't too used to being that way. No, the nice, simple Strausses just didn't have it in them to trade barbs with a pro like him.

"Don't get ahead of yourself, Lisanna," he remarked simply as he allowed her entrance to his apartment. "You gotta wine me and dine me a little, yeah? Before we get too hot and heavy. Or, well, actually, no, I'm up for it, I guess."

She just stared at him, Lisanna did, with this dark gaze that, if he were a lesser man, or even one who wasn't sued to giving out pretty dark gazes of his own, might have brought the seith some shivers. But as it stood, he was the darkest of dark knights, with the darkest of dark gazes, and he stared her down from behind his visor.

Only a few hours had passed since Mirajane had her entire week made and would no doubt be gushing to anyone and everyone right about then, back at the bar, all about Lisanna's new boyfriend. Which meant that the bar was the exactly last place that Lisanna wanted to brave, finding it much better to eventually make her way over to the seith's apartment, so that she could unleash her anger on him.

And plan, for the upcoming date.

But mostly unleash.

Bickslow was right though. Lisanna wasn't too versed in anger and it all kind of deflated as the man snickered along with his floating about babies at his own joke before going to face plant into his couch.

"So," was what she thought he said, maybe, against the fabric of the furniture, "what now? We fuck?"

Lisanna gagged at first, then remembered the power she held in this situation. Sort of. They were partners, at least, in their misdeeds and misdirection, and while she typically found herself the reserved, go along with anything girl down at the hall, that stopped now. Exactly now, too, because even she could admit that she'd more than let Bickslow run the whole show (while also accusing her of being the one to sabotage it), but that was coming to an end.

It had to.

Prior to the park, she and Bickslow could have shook hands and gone there separate ways without anyone even knowing they were spending time together (except for maybe Freed). Now though, Mirajane thought that the two of them were, ugh, whatever she thought and that meant that if it was revealed to all be some elaborate ruse then...then…

Wasn't that what she wanted from the beginning though? The end result of that? For Mirajane to be embarrassed?

But she felt like admitting to pretending to lower her standards enough to find Bickslow even remotely attractive only for the big reveal of, ha ha, aren't you the immature one, big sis, really wouldn't yield the results Lisanna was looking for.

"Wow," Bickslow remarked as he lifted her head after she relayed this. "So you can say hurtful things. I do have feelings, by the way."

And Lisanna broke, maybe, just slightly, as she considered that she had just insulted the man deeply and that wasn't right. But as she started to backtrack, he only shifted to sit up, looking towards the ceiling thoughtfully.

"Although, a dark knight such as myself, I suppose it would make sense that you would think that my cold as steel armor would be impenetrable. But oh, how wrong you would be, Lisanna. I am a mere man, in a suit of armor, attempting to portray myself as merely the latter. And yet-"

"You make it so hard," she told him with a frown, "to feel bad for you."

"Another one of my many faults, sure."

"My point," she went on then as it was rather clear, hurt or not, Bickslow would always manage to bounce back effectively, "is that I'm in control now. Alright? We're going to plan each and every single thing that we say and get Mirajane and Laxus to...date or whatever it is that you want. And then, after showing her up over it, you and me are going to have a very public breakup and we can go back to just being guild mates. Understand?"

"Mostly," he agreed with a nod of his head. "By which I mean that, yeah, this bossy shit? Who wouldn't wanna break up with ya?"

Undeterred, Lisanna only held her head higher as she added, "Glad we're on the same page."

For once.

And after over an hour of tortuous planning and plotting, Bickslow was more than happy to see the woman on her way. Once he was alone in his apartment once more, he only fell into the couch with a smoke, hoping to decompress a bit.

Tricking the boss and pretending to bone Mirajane's little sister took a lot out of a guy. But what a pay off it would be. Getting the boss all happy and shit, with the she-devil, and then awaiting the inevitable demise of the relationship so that he could then get with the…

Wait a minute.

Now that Mirajane thought that he and Lisanna…

Shit.

He puffed angrily now at his smoke, realizing that in his joyful decimation of Lisanna's own reward in the whole ordeal, he'd made sure to sour his own as well.

So no, Bickslow wasn't in a great mood not soon after, where Freed strolled into their shared apartment. In fact, the seith eyed him heavily as the rune mage returned it and Bickslow was prepared for it. The gripes about his cigarette. But no more! Bickslow didn't care about yellowing photographs or contributing to his friend's possible health deterioration; he _needed to smoke._

In their shared apartment.

And nothing could stop him!

Well, Freed might have been able to, maybe, but he didn't seem to be concerned with that as he instead only came to stand before his roommate, arms folded across his chest, as he remarked, "I wish for a full explanation, Bickslow, of your dealings with the youngest Strauss sibling."

He stared rather blankly at the other man, Bickslow did, smoke dangling from his lips. It was rare, honestly, for him to lack any semblance of expression, but for some reason, he felt tapped that day. If anything, after the dressing down Lisanna had given him (and it wasn't even the good kind), as well as the hammering in of the need for a true, honest plan, well, Bickslow was on flying on conservation.

The next day would require a lot of cutting remarks and quips and, well, he couldn't just burn through them right now, on Freed.

"Ain't ya heard?" Bickslow gave a bit of a shrug. "We're in love."

"Oh, shut up."

"Serious, deep love. Ask anyone." Then he paused. "Ask Mirajane."

"I plan to," Freed warned. "I plan to speak to her on many things. As well as Laxus. You are not allowed to go around, corrupting others in the hall, Bickslow. It goes against everything we stand for!"

"You do stand for a lotta things, I'll give ya that," he agreed with a nod. "But I dunno if I have anything. At all. I'm pretty unscrupulous."

Narrowing his eyes further, Freed remarked simply, "Dark knights have morals. They just question them. So I suppose that means you're not a-"

"What a low blow, man!" Bickslow couldn't help it that time. He loudly griped and even removed the cigarette from his mouth so his tongue could flap freely. "Fine. I got some scruples. Don't mean I gotta tell ya shit though."

But Freed had more resolve and reserve. Always. Still, keeping the other man's gaze, he threatened, "If you are doing currently what I fear you are-"

"Do you think that I'm tryin' to get the boss to fuck the older Strauss sister so I can fuck her, in doing that, I made it to where I might have to fuck the other?"

Freed had no reply as, honestly, he imagined this to be some sort out outrageous lie, as Bickslow was prone to these sorts of things, and only huffed as he walked by then. Over his shoulder though, he did say, "I would find it best, Bickslow, for you to terminate your friendship with Lisanna. It is not good for either of you, as it would seem."

"You got no idea," he muttered into his cigarette as he pulled it back up to his face.

That would only last another minute before, through his daze of concern, the scent of it would waft it's way tot he rune mage, who would make a big stink over it, but for just that minute, Bickslow was able to sulk, on his own couch, the way that he truly desired.

He'd feel much better in the morning, anyways, as he knew he would, when all the self-loathing faded and his overriding need for near constant pleasure and entertainment won out. Yes, he was still pissy that Lisanna thought she could just tell him off like that. And yeah, sure, he wasn't feeling all that great about the fact he almost certainly wasn't going to get anything out of all his very hard work he'd put into all this, the past few days, other than, hopefully, the boss getting laid and then perhaps even the hatred of two of the Strauss siblings, once he pretended to breakup with the youngest. But at the same time, he was going to make the boss so fucking happy. And even if he didn't, regardless of Lisanna's commandeering of the plan, it was still a scheme and man, Bickslow loved scheming.

So he donned his best the next afternoon (which, actually was just what he usually wore, but whatever) and set out to meet his supposed girlfriend to continue their trickery.

But Freed on to them. Somewhat. Maybe. And he was certain that it was far more inline with treachery. And he was not going to allow the innocent Strausses to be brought down by Bickslow's typical antics.

Mirajane didn't feel as if there were anything odd going on, however, when she and her sister met up with the seith at the restaurant. Lisanna eyed Bickslow wearily, but Mirajane only bounded over to him with a bounce and cheerful greeting.

"Well, you look nice," she remarked with a giggle, eyes bright as her grin. "Bickslow."

"Dapper is the word you're struggling with," he corrected her as he pushed up his visor to wink at the woman and Mirajane giggled and Lisanna wasn't quite sure why she was needed in this dumb excursion at all.

"Lisanna looks nice too," Mira remarked, glancing over at her sister with a glint in her eyes. "Wouldn't you say so, Bickslow?"

"Lissy?" He whistled, Bickslow did then, lowly, and it caused his dolls to flutter about in excitement. "It's hard to not just pull her off to behind the building right now and-"

"Where," Lisanna cut him off because she seemed pretty done with him, still, and Bickslow only frowned, "is Laxus?"

"Oh, who needs Laxus?" Mirajane certainly didn't. Having a date of her own was nice; getting her sister and her new boyfriend all alone to question and torment was nicer. "Just the three of us-"

"I'd like for the boss to be here, actually," Bickslow assured the woman as he came to toss an arm around Lisanna who only eyed him wearily. "It's not often that I get to show him what an upstanding member of society I really am."

"How are you showing him that right now though?" Mira asked softly because, apparently, she wasn't able _not_ to play into every single one of his stupid gimmicks. Lisanna, who was resound not to fall into any of them that day, tried hard not to blame her sister of her naivety.

"A guy like me, a typically hopeless dark knight," Bickslow began and Lisanna tried hard not to groan, "doesn't often find themselves paired up with a pillar of their community, like Lissy here. What a doll she is. What a babe. Whaddaguy."

"What?" Lisanna questioned with a frown up at him, but Bickslow only beamed, showing all his teeth and his waggly tongue, while Mirajane only clapped her hands in excitement.

Oh, it would be a lengthy lunch.

Laxus arrived soon enough, still the same mess and bundle of nerves he'd been since the whole scheme was formed. At the sight of Bickslow all snuggled up to Lisanna, he groaned some, but just as quickly was confronted with Mirajane grabbing his arm.

"You clean up well," she offered with a grin at the man, "for a lunch date."

And gah! Laxus looked off uncomfortably, grumbling to her to cut it out. Mirajane was rarely someone that he had trouble hanging around, much less handling a conversation with, but recently…well…

"Look at us, boss, huh?" Bickslow did that whistle thing again, when they were inside of the restaurant, being seated. "Me and you. Both on a date. With the two Strauss women. What a life, huh?"

Mira made some sort of noise of approval at this, beaming over at her sister and the seith as she and Laxus took their seats across from them. Lisanna returned it, but Bickslow only had eyes for Laxus then as the man was glaring at him, while pulling Mirajane's chair out for her.

"Lucky me, I guess," the seith went on, staring over at his idol as his tongue tumbled from his mouth once more and ugh, Laxus wanted to cut it right off. "I get my Strauss until our love runs dry. Which will be never." Then he paused. "Unless, for some unforeseeable and completely unplanned event happens in, oh, a few days that devastates us both to our core and we're forced to separ- Ak!"

Lisanna stomped on his foot, hard, beneath the table and Bickslow almost did it for Laxus, biting right through his tongue. Just about. When he looked down to glare at the youngest Strauss though, she was glaring right back up at him and Laxus knew, oh, he knew, that something was going on, but Mirajane only clapped with her oblivious glee.

There was some uncomfortable moments following that for everyone other than the head barmaid though as they all glanced over their menus and there was very little natural conversation. Bickslow had warned Lisanna of this; natural was the way to go!

Except, you know, the other two times they'd tried this whole getting Mirajane and Laxus together plan.

Third times the charm?

"So," Mirajane began as she sat to attention the second the waitress had their orders and left the four of them alone at the table. "The whole reason we came here was for the two of you to tell me how you fell in love."

"Love," Lisanna started then with some hesitance, "is a strong word."

"And yet," Bickslow declared as Laxus rubbed a palm into his forehead, "not strong enough."

"I always thought that I would be the one, you know, Lisanna," Mira remarked to her younger ister then, "to have to sit you and Elf down and tell you that I was so truly, deeply in love. But you've really outdone yourself."

"You got the boss right here," Bickslow countered as Lisanna decided not to mention to her sister that, actually, she had set both her and Elfman down, many times, and expressed her deep love for some guy though it would always eventually dissolve, usually not soon after that fact. The seith though only flashed his idol a bright smile. "Maybe the two of you are meant to be together for ever and always. Ya think of that, Mirajane?"

"I don't think about most things," she remarked thoughtfully and yeah, they all could see that, but still, the woman only giggled as she said, "But Laxus and I are just friends."

"Ooh. Friends, boss, eh?" Bickslow whistled lowly that time and his babies, who'd mostly entertained themselves by floating annoyingly around Lisanna's head, let out a cry in a similar pitch. It was enough to get a few glances from tables around them. "Been there. But look at me now! You keep at it and you too could land a great woman like Lissy here. Or Lissy herself, should this all soon go to- Stop stompin' on my foot, kid!"

"Then stop talking so much, you stu- Bickslow." Lisanna turned from glaring at the man to grin at her sister. To Mira, she said, "We just...spend so much time together, sometimes we get a little agitated-"

"A sign of a good, healthy relationship," Mira deemed and Laxus only lifted his head, just a bit, to stare over at the two of them. Lisanna and Bickslow. Yeah fucking right.

Taking in a deep breath, Laxus managed to grumble, "I don't want your stupid little girlfriend, Bickslow. You freak."

"Ah, boss." Just like that, the joy was stolen from the seith. "You know how I feel about that word."

"I do," Laxus agreed with a glare. "It's why I used it."

"_Anyways_," Lisanna began then in something close to a commanding tone, maybe (she wasn't too used to steering a conversation in such mixed company). "Don't you wanna hear all about how we got together, Mirajane?"

"It's literally the only thing that I've ever cared about, ever, at all, in my entire life," Mira said all in one exhale and that time, when Bickslow whistled, it was because he was impressed.

"Well," her sister answered, "it's probably not all that interesting. Bickslow and I just both always saw one another, hanging around, and you can only spend so much time around someone, you know, before you just..."

"Have to be with them," Bickslow finished for her with a nod as his babies snickered in the air. "There Lissy was, serving me, you know, up at the bar? Like a good, non-interrupting waitress. Clearly, Mira, this is why you missed the mark with me. You just pop up at the most inopportune times. I'm a poet, you know? With my words? You get me all tangled up and I lose my train of thought."

Mira's grin was slowly falling then as Lisanna elbowed him that time, but Laxus had taking to sigh, down at his lap, and was hardly listening. Which was no good. He had to listen, so he'd be unknowingly convinced into realizing it was okay, you know, that he had the hots for Mirajane. Lots of people were into her. Or Lisanna. Or anybody. Who happened to be a waitress.

And sometimes, it was okay to hit on them.

Usually not. It was extremely frowned upon and super toxic, but Bickslow figured the boss wouldn't mind risking some dignity and respect to get with the she-devil. Well, he wouldn't once he saw how great it worked out for the seith.

And it had worked out great.

Supposedly.

"Why," Laxus complained as he happened to glance up at that moment, "are you winking at me? Bickslow?"

"Eh?" Subconsciously, he shoved up his visor and done just htat, over at the boss, and onw he was just blinking dumbly over at the man. "What are you talkin' about, boss?"

"You just fucking winked at me. You freak."

"I put up with it, once, boss, but at this point, I'm starting to wonder if you just don't care about my feelings."

"Stop wondering," Laxus ordered. "I don't."

"Bickslow just meant," Lisanna took over easily, "that sometimes, a person is right there, for a long time, but you just don't think about them in that way. Until it just hits you."

"And when it hits you," Bickslow began. But that was it. The full statement. And there was an awkward beat that passed as all the others looked at him, awaiting more. But no.

"How did the two of you approach it though?" Mira questioned, more to her sister as, though she was still enthralled by Bickslow, his antics were proving to be...kind of annoying. But still great boyfriend material for her little sister. Exactly her type. You know, breathing and stuff. Part of the guild. Easy for Mirajane to get all the gossip on. Gave him little places to run if he broke Lisanna's heart. At the moment though, she was letting the joy take her over once more as she asked, "Who made the first move?"

"Definitely Lissy," Bickslow assured the woman's sister, per the prearrange story the youngest Strauss had forced him to go along with. "All over me."

"It was all your pushing, I think, Mira," Lisanna took over then, giving her sister a very pointed look. "Insisting that I start dating. That I was really missing out on my second chance at life."

"You drove her right into the arms of me," Bickslow cackled along with his floating dolls. "Gotta thank you for that."

"W-Well," Mira started then, hesitant, "I wouldn't say-"

"I would," Lisanna agreed with the seith. "If it wasn't for your pushing, I would have never gotten with Bickslow."

There was some unease then as Mirajane considered her choices and Bickslow and Lisanna both had some sort of air about them that Laxus couldn't place, but he only kept tapping his foot, glancing around uncomfortably.

"Where's our food?" he griped finally, breaking the silence. "I don't got all day to be here."

"But don't ya, when you think about it, boss?" Bickslow had dropped his visor once more, but Laxus was certain he was wagging his damn eyebrows beneath it. "All you've wanted for days now is to be alone with Mirajane. Just admit it."

"Bickslow," Lisanna complained as Mirajane finally gave the slayer a real glance. But oh, he was gripping his fists then, tightly, as he bore holes right through the damn bars of that visor. As always, however, Bickslow felt protected by them.

"Aw, Laxus," Mira beamed over at him. "If you ever wanna hangout, you can just say so. You don't have to crash me, Bickslow, and Lisanna's date."

"Our what?" her younger sister balked, but Laxus only seethed in his usual silence as Bickslow slowly surrendered in their impromptu glaring match, instead taking to a loud remark instead.

"Where's our food?" he complained as Lisanna rolled her eyes. "I do wanna be with the two of you all day, you know, Mira and Lisanna, but boss here-"

"I mean, he is right, I guess," Lisanna ventured herself then. Working with Bickslow was either a mad dash towards a definite crash or a painstaking stroll through unnecessary attempts at humor. If she could cut right to the source, what brought them together, finally get Laxus to just freaking admit he was attracted to her sister (and then, of course, throw it back in Mira's face and prove that it wasn't so nice, to be pressured into unwelcome situations and all that, obviously) so they could just all move on with their lives. The past few days felt extremely and needlessly drawn out...probably like any amount of time with the seith appeared. "Laxus. Is there...something that you've been wanting to say to Mirajane? Because you can just say it. Or ask it. No pressure, but-"

"This," Bickslow declared with a nod of his head, "is a safespace, boss. We can admit anything to each other here, now that me and Lissy are, you know, unioned and all that."

"Unioned?" she griped at the word, but Bickslow only kept right up.

"I think the word's unionized," Mira offered, trying to be helpful. "Master says the bar staff can't have one."

"Right, sure," Bickslow agreed with a nod. "Boss, now that we've unionized, we're a family. Me and Lisanna have joined our houses. Her, the Strausses, Me, the Thunder Legion and their super cool, awesome, fearless, amazing idol. A family. And you know what? A family is honest with one another. Here. I'll start. I once ate two whole cakes, back to back. Just bought 'em and ate them. No shame. Not around you guys. My family. See, boss? Open." When he still on continued to get the glares of the man across from him, Bickslow decided to continue. "Sometimes I go without changing socks for weeks. Weeks, boss. I like to swallow the mouthwash after swishing it about in my mouth. I pee in the shower. A lot. Once, when I was a kid, I started a fire that nearly burned down an entire-"

"Okay, maybe we don't have to confess all our crimes to one another," Lisanna cut him off with a glance. To Laxus though, she said, "But if you did wanna tell something to Mirajane...I'm sure we'd all love to hear it."

It was with a deep, heavy breath then that Laxus looked off for a long moment before slowly remarking, "Fine. Fucking fine. Mirajane, I have to tell you that-"

"Oh, I get it!" But as she'd been since the start of their 'date' Mira was wholly uninterested in the slayer. She'd sat up straight suddenly, clapping her hands together as she said, "Bickslow and Lisanna are… You said that we're all a big family now and I just… Are you getting married?"

"What?" was the joined exclamation between the two of them, drowning out whatever Laxus was about to get out, but that was where their similarities ended.

"Absolutely not," Lisanna told her with a frown. "Mira, how could you even think that? Much less be excited about-"

"You caught us. Mira." Bickslow, per the plan, had been told to go along with any and everything Mira said. Though he knew in his heart of hearts that this clearly didn't fall under that jurisdiction, he also found that it was infinitely more fun, making Lisanna miserable, than any other event that had gone on that evening. "We're getting hitched."

Mira seemed confused then and, though they assumed it was due to their vastly different responses, she eventually asked, "Hitched to what?" and man, oh damn, did Bickslow need a laugh that deep.

As Lisanna glared over at him though, now joining Laxus in this (he'd resumed upon the interruption), Bickslow only felt his smile slowly dwindled. Not from any of the actions of those at the table. Nope. Rather, he spotted someone headed for their table.

Unfortunately, it wasn't their waitress.

He'dda just nicked her in the eye with a coin and commented on her horrible timing if it was.

No, what was coming for them was much worse and definitely a mood ruiner if he'd ever seen one.

"Bickslow," Freed remarked in _that _tone and ugh, he was in for a lecture. Gross. Everyone else glanced up at the sound of the rune mage's voice, shocked to find him there. Well, Lisanna and Mira were. Laxus had taken to glaring down at his lap once more and seemed unbothered by Freed.

It was quite typical for the two of them.

"Freed?" Mirajane frowned before smiling just as brightly as she said, "Oh, you're here for the hitching?"

"That hitch- So you are selling women? Is that what this is?" Freed scoffed as he came to a stop at their table, hands in _that _posture and oh, it was going to be a big once, this lecture. Bickslow could just feel it.

And not even for the right reason this time!

"I assumed," Freed griped harshly at his teammate, nearly choking on his next words, "that it was some sort of...sexual thing, but to go as far and make it some sort of...wedding, marriage scam? Is that it? You take the poor innocent Strausses, fill their feeble minds with luxurious male companions and then sell them off to men on other continents? Or, no, worse, Laxus are you… I am appalled, to see you involved in this misdeed, but if I am to find you are partaking in it-"

"You," Lisanna told him simply, "are making massive leaps in logic. And reality."

But after spending the week with Bickslow and prior ones hanging around her brother when he was with Evergreen, who was prone to fantastical accusation leveled at Elfman's head, she was starting to see how the three of them got along so well. When no one lived in reality, you never had to face the harshness of it.

Mirajane though was now totally lost and, glancing about the table, felt her joy being stolen from her.  
"I'm sorry, guys, what's going on? Exactly? I… Are you not getting married? Lisanna?"

"No," she told her sister with a glare. "I-"

"I will not allow it," Freed assured Mirajane. "Whatever lies Bickslow has told you, I will disprove them right now."

"Go ahead." Sour now, mostly cause, wow, he never thought about a sexual side of things existing prior to the boss getting his, but man, wouldn't his schemes have a much better pay off without it, Bickslow only gave his teammate the stink eye. "Everything I said was the truth. I did burn down a village once, as a kid. Killed some farm animals in the ensuing chaos. And yeah, fine, maybe they are the souls that I carry around now, in my little wooden baby bodies, to atone for the sins that I carry. What of it?"

"Bickslow, what are you talking about?" Lisanna complained as Freed only blinked.

"I'm so confused," Mira remarked which, yeah, that wasn't too out of line for her usual disposition either. Glancing up at Freed, she asked, "How did you know we were here if you didn't just come to be a part of Bickslow and Lisanna's engagement reveal?"

"Their what?" Freed felt like he was going to be sick. "Bickslow, not only am I disappointed in your business operation as a whole, but also your practices within it. To partake in your own stock-"

"And maybe sometimes I do think about it," the seith was going on then, to himself, not looking at the others. "Freein' 'em. My souls. To pass on. I only ever did it to repay my sin, but what if I'm only compoundin' it, you know? By forcing them to carry on through this meanin'less life."

Mirajane looked at Lisanna then, clearly wanting answers, but Lisanna was busy sinking into her chair, hoping to just melt away. For a long time, growing up, she'd always kind of looked up to the Thunder Legion. Even when they were doing the guild and its members dirty, they always looked so strong and powerful while doing it. The more into their circle she found herself, however, the more she was coming to realize not only did they suffer from the same insane plights as the other members of Fairy Tail; they seemed to be magnified to the extreme.

But there was someone else at the table who could no longer just stew in silence. Instead, suddenly, Laxus stood to his feet and Lisanna was sure he was going to rebuke them, all of them, and then disappear for months, hoping to escape the madness that was his family guild. Instead though, he took in a deep breath and, when he released it, she really wished she and Bickslow hadn't pushed him so hard the past few days to do so.

"Mirajane," he began in that heavy tone of his, "there's something that I have to tell you and… Look, I'm super sorry, but… It's not my fucking fault, okay? Really? When you think about it. And I have. A lot. These past few weeks. I… I didn't even know it was your dog. Stray. Whatever. Until I overheard you talking about it up at the hall one day. That you were missing it."

"Uh, boss?" Apparently, Bickslow wasn't too far gone into his own perceived dark knight backstory to key in on this unraveling of the slayer. "What are you gettin' at? You're kinda just supposed to tell Mirajane you wanna bone her."

But Freed and Lisanna both fell silent as the former stared in curiosity as his idol and the latter in a slowly recognized horror.

"You know what Alexandria is?" Mira asked, slightly hopeful then, looking to Laxus. Alexandria, the stray dog she enjoyed feeding and caring for, hadn't been by her home in weeks for a meal and she'd begun to get worried, honestly. But only slightly. He was a roamer. Free range. He'd make his way home again soon. She was sure of it.

Laxus, however, wasn't nearly.

"I was riding my bike. Motorcycle. And I… I get motion sick, okay? Real bad, sometimes, but I still love it and I just… I was feeling ill and...he just...came running out of an alleyway and I just-"

"Dude," Bickslow whistled, that time quite lowly. "Did you fucking kill her pet?"

"No!" Laxus barked that at, to be honest, probably his least favorite follower. Considering Freed was such a strong candidate, this wasn't too shocking, until you got to know Evergreen and then, well, it really painted Bickslow in a bad light. Looking to Mirajane, her flesh turning about as white as her hair, the slayer insisted, "He's been in the dog hospital. What's that called? A vet. I took him there. He's been in there for weeks. Recovering and all. I just...didn't know how to tell you because I'm not too sure if he'll make it and I really can't do- Don't cry. Mirajane-"

"Laxus, how could you?" she sobbed openly as Lisanna rose to her feet as well, rushing to comfort her sister.

"I didn't do anything!" he complained right back.

"Other," Bickslow remarked slowly, "than hit her dog with your motorcycle."

"Which you have kind of just admitted to being improperly able to handle." Freed coughed after this, into his palm. "To clarify."

"This hasn't been easy for me either, okay?" the slayer complained. "I've been trying to do the right thing."

"By not telling her?" Lisanna piled right on as her sister finally was able to gather herself enough to rush from the restaurant. After her shake of her head a the man, she quickly headed after her sister, calling over her shoulder, "Ass."

And then it was just the three guys, all in varying states of process just what had gone down. Slowly, Laxus fell back into his seat and Freed cautiously claimed the one beside him, gently patting at the man's shoulder.

Bickslow, who'd taken to leaning back in his chair, slammed down suddenly, to sit up right and give his two friends a wry smile.

"Women," he snickered, hoping to ease the tension. "Am I right?"

He was not.

And just as the other patrons though they could settle back down after the outburst from the table only moments prior, Laxus lunched across the table about the same time the waitress was arriving with their plates. As he choked (the debatablely) poor Bickslow and Freed tried rather unsuccessfully to separate them, they were all three well aware they were probably not going to be invited back to that establishment any time soon.

Although, Bickslow would be sure to point out, once all the dust settled, considering this had all gone down while following Lisanna's plan of action, clearly, all these failures rested securely on her shoulders.

Fuckin' kid.


End file.
